Robert's 5 Biggest Disappointments of 2013

As with any year, 2013 was full of films that exceeded my expectations. You can check out my top 10 list here. Now for whatever reason - maybe my expectations were too high - quite a few of 2013's films really disappointed me, so much so that I felt compelled to come up with this list. I need to point out two things. First of all, this list really isn’t in any particular order. Secondly, I’m not necessarily saying these are bad films. They just let me down. Let's check 'em out.

5. Pacific Rim

Pacific Rim was my number one most anticipated film of last year. Number one. I even did a series of posts counting down to the film’s release. So imagine how embarrassed I am that it wound up here. What can I say? I didn’t hate the film. In fact, I gave it a positive review. It hasn’t set well with me, however. At the end of the day, parts of the story were really goofy and poorly thought out. And Charlie Hunnam kinda sucked.

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4. Room 237

I saw Room 237 - a documentary about the hidden meaning and secrets of Stanley Kubrick’s masterpiece The Shining - right after said masterpiece as part of a double feature. I was really stoked to see it, being a huge fan of Kubrick's film. The documentary was getting a lot of positive buzz as well. The problem, however, is that The Shining is an amazing film and Room 237...is not.

It’s not that I’m against the theories about the film, either. Some of the more interesting theories have been floating around for a while. Some of the "secrets" and "theories" in 237, however, are a little more...out there. For instance, one theory that pops up is that, if you pause the film at a certain point, it looks like one of the characters - Mr. Ullman - has an erection due to the way his body lines up with an object in his office. Another theory is that a cloud takes the shape of Kubrick’s face near the beginning of the film. In short, The Shining is rife for discussion and these guys ended up talking about dicks and clouds.

3. Upstream Color

I really enjoyed Shane Carruth’s first film, a twisty time travel tale called Primer. Nine long years passed. And then he announced his follow up film, Upstream Color, and I rejoiced and the world danced in anticipation. Then I watched it.

Let's go back a second. Despite initially being excited about the film, the only reason I finally watched it was because I was laid up in bed with a bad back. For some reason, I had pretty much lost all interest in it. But I finally watched it. And maybe I just didn’t “get” it, but it’s definitely not my cup of tea. I’m an escapist and I don’t really enjoy films with vague, meandering plots about worms and pigs and shit. I’m probably coming off as a Philistine but I just really didn’t enjoy this film. In my defense, I actually watched the movie a second time. I may have understood it even less the second go 'round.

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2. The ABCs of Death

This fucking film. What a waste of a premise. Remember how I said that the movies on this list aren’t necessarily bad films? THIS ONE IS. IT IS TERRIBLE. Skip this fucking piece of filth and instead check out V/H/S 2, another of 2013’s anthology horror films.

1. Man of Steel

Man of Steel. Yes. It really, really disappointed me. I was expecting a lot more. I was expecting unique, unforgettable action sequences. I (suppose) I was expecting a linear story, because those flashbacks sure got annoying. I won’t start to nitpick, because I wrote a full review for that sort of thing. Here’s the thing...I’ve seen Man of Steel a second time since writing that review. It’s not that bad. It really isn’t. But, man, it could have been better. And despite everything, I'm really excited for Man of Steel 2/Batman vs. Superman. Hopefully Zack Snyder and company get it together.

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