Tune in Tuesday's: Mayday, A Mistake!

I’m going to start this post off with a couple of corrections to last week’s post . . . I know, I know, I can hardly believe I made a mistake, but I did, and although such a thing hasn’t happened since 1998 (turns out Halloween H20 isn’t going to be a very good movie), I’m going to take full responsibility in hopes that you can forgive and forget.  I mentioned a little comedy being released last Tuesday called “3, 2, 1 . . . Frankie Go Boom” starring Charlie Hunnam and Chris O’Dowd, as constantly-at-each-other’s-throats brothers.  First mistake:  apparently the “3, 2, 1 . . .” part of the title was cut from the film and it is now simply called “Frankie Go Boom”.  I didn’t think (and still don’t) there was much of a reason to drop the numbers from the title, but apparently the studio/filmmakers/etc. thought it would be conducive to sales.  I’m making that up of course, because I couldn’t find anything revealing why the title was changed.  Chalk this one up to the Bermuda Triangle, I guess, because surely the only legitimate claim to the change will be that a portion of the title is now lost at sea.  Right?  The second mistake came from my description of this same film . . . I mentioned that Hunnam’s character is recently released from rehab, but it’s actually O’Dowd’s character, Bruce (the filmmaker), who is a recent grad of the institute.  Hilarity ensues.  That’s it, or at least those are the only two goofs I caught since that last post, let me know if there are more, but be please gentle if so.

 

Old TiTs:  Frankie Go Boom, Charles Swan

 

 

I recently had the pleasure of watching two of the four films I mentioned last week; the other two I had already seen, one of which I would definitely watch again.  Mistakes aside, Frankie Go Boom was downright hilarious and although my hopes were not very high for this one, it took home the gold in comparison to the artsy Charles Swan.  Ron Pearlman should win an award for his performance as the transsexual computer hacker, “Auntie Phyllis”.  Oh, he is oh-so disgusting in this film.  Let’s face it, he’s not what one would call an “attractive male” and add to that a wig, make-up, tits, and a dress and all you’ve got left is a leftover from the Dr. Moreau’s island.  He/she is fucking hilarious though!  This movie gets the open-hatch rating from and I can’t wait to share it with the rest of the Hatch crew.  Each character being helmed by this all-star cast is a memorable one, whether it’s a drunken, horny Lizzy Caplan, a naked Chris Noth sprinting on a treadmill, I’ve already mentioned Pearlman’s insanity, or the bitchiness of Whitney Cummings’ character (is she already typecast or is she really just a dirty bitch?), the comedy rarely lets up.  See this movie as soon as you can, but only if you like low-key, hilarious independent comedies.

The other guilty pleasure I had last week came to me in the form of Charles Swan.  This one I was really looking forward to, and although I enjoyed it, it was admittedly a tough sell.  My wife hated it mainly because of Charlie Sheen, I liked (didn’t love it) because of the artsy-fartsy protagonist that lives deep down in my subconscious, and because I’m a huge fan of both Bill Murray and Jason Schwartzman.  Frankie absolutely won the battle between these two, but I haven’t given up on Swan yet, in contrast to what I did with Texas Chainsaw when I left the theater.  I’m not sure if Murray and Schwartzman owed Charlie a favor, but the film certainly could’ve used much more of both of them.  They made me laugh when they were present and made me long for them when they were away.  Charlie Sheen can no longer hold a movie based on his own merit . . . I’m not sure he ever could . . . but this seemed like his very own, private “Swan Song” to his ex-wives, ex-girlfriends, ex-employers, ex-everyone he’s screwed over in the past.  As I said, I enjoyed the artsy-ness to it and had anyone else, save for Nic Cage, been the title star I would’ve enjoyed it more, but I’m not going to give up yet.  Another viewing will be required before I officially rate it; maybe I’ll make Robert watch it with me though I’m fairly certain he will not like it which may dissuade my “defending” take which I carry with me now.  How about you?  Have you watched it yet?  If so, what’d you think?

 

New TiTs:  True Blood, Side Effects, Stand Up Guys, ABC’s of Death

 

 

Are there any True Blood fans that read our posts?  I’m not a big fan by any means, but there are aspects of the show that I do enjoy.  Okay, so it’s mainly the nudity, so what?  I’ve yet to see any episodes from Season 5, but Season 4 was better than I anticipated and although I heard that this season is pretty awful, I’m still going to watch.  I think the show has three types of followers:  those who live for cheesy-ass horror TV a la Buffy, Angel, any non-reality show produced by SyFy; those obsessed with vampires who are unlike Dracula in every conceivable way possible; and those who just enjoy a good pair of tits.  I, myself, fall into the latter category obviously.  I will admit until it’s canceled that True Blood is silly, not in a B-movie way, but just in an awful “I wish I were still a teen because this is fun and Eric is sooooo dreamy” kind of way.  The dialogue is 84% shit, the characters are beloved mostly on a “I hate this fucking idiot” pedestal and while the first season was rooted in introducing the real world to the supernatural world, the latter episodes make me question if there is even supposed to be a real world within the show.  And by real world, I of course mean like the one you and I live in, you know, without fairies and werewolves.  But hey, the nudity is great, so don’t let me complain too much.  I’ll be watching this one soon so I’ll let you know how much worse/better it gets. 

 

 

Side Effects is one that I’ll pick up once it hits the Redbox.  Starring every other woman’s heartthrob, Channing Tatum, this one should task Tatum with the ability to act.  A feat I’m convinced he has yet to master.  A straight drama, this one revolves around a wife who murders her husband due to some side effects prescribed by her psychiatrist.  That’s in a nutshell, folks, I’m sure there’s much more going on, but to avoid a similar mistake made last week, I’ll leave it at that.  To me, this one looks more interesting than anything else.  Typically I wouldn’t give a shit about what these actors/director are shelling out (Jude Law, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Rooney Mara, Steven Soderbergh), but I’m interested to see how the story turns out . . . courtroom drama, murder mystery, boring piece of shit, I’m just not sure and that’s what’s got my interest peaked.  After nearly five attempts of seeing it in theaters (I talked myself out of each viewing), I finally decided that Redbox was the way to go.  When it will hit, I have no idea, but let me know if the movie is good and worth buying.  I can be easily swayed.

Stand Up Guys is another one that I’m pseudo-interested in seeing.  It’s hard to deny great actors (Christopher Walken and Al Pacino) when they’re acting in their genre wheelhouse – gangster/mob/crime family-esque movies.  It looks to have some solid laughs, good drama and I’m willing to bet neither Walken nor Pacino toned down their performances in front of each other.  The plot revolves around Pacino, who’s just been released from prison, and Walken, his oldest, best friend, who has the awkward obligation of killing Pacino.  It’s easy to tell from the preview that Walken doesn’t want to kill his friend and it seems (based on preview) that Pacino knows and is going to accept his fate.  How it turns out, I have no idea, but I’m kind of hoping for the Thelma and Louise ending.  Alan Arkin also co-stars and although it’s possible I’m still too young to fully appreciate the relevance of the movie, it looks like one that won’t disappoint.  Worth owning?  Hmm, probably not, but once Netflix picks it up on their streaming service, it’ll almost be like owning it anyway.  Do any of you out there have any interest in this one?

Last, and most definitely least, on our list is the horrendous, not in a scary way, ABC’s of Death.  What a joke.  What a lame-ass joke!  Both Robert and I were looking forward to checking this one out and boy, were we disappointed.  I won’t go into plot details, for that check out Robert’s review here.  I will say, however, that the idea of this plot intrigued me (until I watched it) based on 26 different directors submitting a different kind of death.  What I, and I’m pretty sure Robert, didn’t know was that [insert phrase – APPARENTLY – here] this was supposed to be a comedic horror movie.  Well, it’s not fucking funny nor is it scary.  It’s just awful and, no pun intended, extremely shitty.  If I had known I was supposed to be laughing at (most of) these segments, I might’ve given it the benefit of the doubt, but it certainly wasn’t promoted that way, nor did we get any kind of indication of the extreme, obscene shit scenes – there are far more than there should be.  I did not like any of the 26 segments, the directors I like let me down, the directors I hadn’t heard of completely turned me off, and surprise-surprise, Ti West blows it once again.  Why this director gets so much love is beyond me, except for the fact that most people are stupid.  Anyway, I make mention of this only because I enjoy ranting, and because they are making a sequel . . . yep, you read that right.  There will be a sequel to this shit and call me crazy, but I’m willing to bet it will be just as shitty, if not shittier, with plenty of segments dedicated to shit, much like the shit I’ve been talking about this entire paragraph.  Shit.

 

 

 

 

Music:  The National, Thirty Seconds to Mars

 

We’ve got a couple of music releases that are worth taking note of and the first I will not say much about because I’m certain Pat will be writing about The National’s new release soon enough.  While, personally, not much of a fan of the indie group, I do respect the music that they put out – but that’s mostly because Pat knows his onions when it comes to music and it is extremely possible that my distaste for them merely stems from my own lack of knowledge regarding their catalogue.  Same thing happened to both Dr. Dog and Delta Spirit and now, after taking in their catalogues on more than a few occasions, I am a huge fan of both.  So I’ll await Pat’s post and give them a firm listen once he owns the entire album. 

 

 

Our other music release comes from Thirty Seconds to Mars . . . or is 30 Seconds to Mars . . . I see both repeated throughout the internet and I’m not a big enough fan to know.  This one marks the band’s fourth album and is called Love, Lust, Faith and Dreams.  Wikipedia lists it as a concept album, which, as you know, is right up my alley, exploring the themes conveyed by the title.  Being the description that it is, I have no choice but to check it out.  I like some of their tunes, but really only hold the need to listen when I’m pissed off, but then again they’re never at the top of that list either.  I prefer Jared Leto as an actor, though he hasn’t been in anything since 2009 (“Mr. Nobody”???) and only has one thing in the 2013 pipeline, Dallas Buyers Club, I’d really like to see him come back to the big screen.  Although not the most prestigious filmography, he did a helluva job in Requiem for a Dream, is memorable in Fight Club and Panic Room, and made oh so many numerous teenage girls experience masturbation for the first time and many times afterward.  Respect.  I guess it goes without saying he’d be great in a musical.  I’ve long gestated a musical revolution outline/plot/screenplay that would display Mr. Leto’s talents to the nth degree . . . if only he’d call.

 

Alright, that about wraps her up for this week.  Enjoy Memorial Day and the long weekend because I know I will.  Until next time . . .