Old Tits: Mama, The Master, and Phoenix
Last week granted us the DVD/Blu-ray release of the
Guillermo Del Toro produced, Mama. The trailer for this one both sparked my
curiosity and made me hate the movie all together, all at the same time. The trailer is spooky by all means (which I
love), but the incessant, unnecessary “Mama” that is whispered throughout
killed any theatrical desire I had to see the movie. Luckily for Del Toro thought, Robert emailed
me the following last Thursday, “I meant
to tell you last night that I watched Mama a couple nights ago. The last little bit gets a bit goofy but 90%
of the movie is solidly creepy . . .”
In Robert I trust, so this one is now officially back on my radar, I
just hope the whispers don’t habitat every 10 seconds of the movie like they
did with the trailer. I’ll let you know
as soon as I know.
. . . Mama . . .
I’m not proud of this next one, but I’ll reveal my thoughts
anyway. I watched the ridiculous piece
of awful that is, The Master, with
Joaquin Phoenix and Phillip Seymour Hoffman.
Both actors did an outstanding job, let me get that out there right off
the bat, it’s just that the content/plot of the film was incredibly bogus and
after it was all over I felt neither cheated nor fulfilled. Why, you ask?
Well because nothing fucking happened throughout the 2 ½ hour
feature. I’m sure you’ve read, as have
I, that this movie is loosely based on Scientology and if that’s true then some
of the A-lister’s in Hollywood are even dumber than I previously thought (I
can’t give celebrities much credit for being millionaires/idols because they
hate themselves and need to make a living by pretending to be anyone other than
who they really are – I give them more credit than I do professional athletes
(I cry every time I play Monopoly but no one gives me more money, why does it
work in professional sports?), but I could never marry, befriend, or share any
part of my life with a Hollywood celebrity – at the end of the day I just
couldn’t trust the person). As I said,
the acting is great (although I’m still not sure why Amy Adams is in the movie,
she’s only got approx. 15 minutes of screen time and most of it is pointless),
but with no growth out of the characters it was very difficult for me to give a
shit. The best parts are watching
Phoenix’s character poison himself and others with wild dink concoctions (we
see him drinking paint thinner straight from the can at one point, Mmmm yum!),
yet no one dies of poison, so maybe that comment is a little off-putting on my
part. Avoid this trash if you can, but
if you’re dying to see it please remember my warnings and then hit me back with
a comment on what you thought, I’d love to chat with someone who enjoyed the
movie. Perhaps a revelation about it would ignite in my little head, but I
doubt it.
I mentioned the new album release by Phoenix a few weeks
ago, but it’s nothing more than 10 tracks of lame poppy horseshit, so don’t
worry about it.
New TiTs: Dexter, Cloud Atlas, A Glimpse Inside
. . ., Texas Lamesaw, and 3, 2, 1 . . .
Dexter, the show
about America’s favorite serial killer with a heart of gold, will be coming to
an end soon (new/final season starts next month) and today grants us the
release of Season 7. I’m a Dexter fan. I easily got hooked from the first disc of
the first season and haven’t looked back since.
I like the sex, the killings, and the pickles that ‘ol Dex finds himself
in each season and while I agree that it needs to wrap up, I haven’t been
deterred by any season or season finale (I’m looking at you The Walking Dead) so I have soaring
hopes for the upcoming 8th and final season. Season 7 is good, but certainly not the best,
and because I’m purposefully going to avoid and plot details/spoilers of it,
I’ll do you one better and rank the 7 seasons from worst to best for you:
7. Season 3
– something about this season didn’t click with me the way Seasons 1 & 2
did. It revolves around a budding
friendship between Dexter and a character played by Jimmy Smits (who does an
incredible job, similar to all of the show’s celebrity guest stars), but with
the planning of a wedding involved (Dexter’s), it seemed like the need for a
companion was just a bit too much. Dex
already has a companion in fiancé Rita, but his need, desire, for someone more
like him seemed to stretch a bit too thin for my taste.
6. Season 5
– to be fair, I think my logic for placing this one at the bottom of the list
is because this was the only season I watched on a week-by-week basis (I
usually blow through DVD/Blu-ray discs) and the time in between each Sunday was
killer (no pun intended) and made me feel less in tune with the season as a
whole.
5. Season 7
– this one is fun, but without revealing too much, I’ll only say I didn’t care
too much for the direction that Dexter and Debra’s relationship took (is
taking). Do I have a better idea in
mind, well no, but still, regardless of what secrets come to light, a brother
and sister should stick together through and through (unless both are as
deranged as batshit crazy Scientologist’s, HahHah).
4. Season 2
– this one just barely fell out of the top 3, but that’s only because the other
seasons are incredible. I like this one
a lot and nearly tied it with Season 1, but what kept me from going that route
is because there isn’t really a main killer that the Miami Metro PD is after
(there is one, but the dude’s kinda lame in comparison to other main killers)
and as exciting as it is to watch Dexter feel the pressure of the Force (and
Sgt. Doaks, sp?)closing in on him, there could’ve been just a bit more in the
plot.
3. Season 1
– the one that started it all, this season is fantastic as we get introduced to
our beloved killer and his chilling (pun intended) maniac older brother. Only one other killer bests the Dexter lot
over the Ice Truck Killer (and we’ll get to him shortly), but he comes in a
close second. I loved the back-and-forth
between the two as well as the mystery of Dexter’s past coming to light. This one is a helluva season to get started
with and one of the best Season 1’s ever produced in my opinion. Honestly, if the upcoming Season 8 was
literally this one, I would fell ultimately fulfilled with the series as a
whole, but oh well . . . I can’t wait to see what happens in the real end.
2. Season 6 –
this one is great for a variety of reasons, mostly the plot twists, but also
the content. I had been wondering
if/when religion would play a role in Dexter’s actions/kills and this season
brings it. Aside from the second best
surprise cliffhangers of the series, everything about this season is
balls-to-the-wall. More blood than in
recent seasons, nastier deaths, etc. make this one of the best seasons of the
series, only to be outdone by one season and that season, of course is,
1. Season 4
– whether you like the show a little bit or a lot, this season is for you. Thanks in LARGE part to the fabulous Jon
Lithgow, this season not only contains the best (or worst, depending on your
direction) serial killer, but also the best cliffhanger ending. This season kept me on the edge of my seat
for all 12 episodes and try as they might, the writers and producers will not
make another season that can stand up to this one. Season 6 gave it a good run for its money,
but unless Season 8 ends with a BANG, this season will be the season most fans
will remember Dexter for. So, so good.
Next up is Cloud Atlas,
an interesting little film from the likes of the Wachowski siblings. This one isn’t the best movie in the world,
but it is very interesting. Set between
approx. six different time periods, this is ultimately a love story painting
the idea that we are in fact many people who have lived many lives and through
each one we have a choice between bad and good, love and hate, right and
wrong. I’m sure many Philosophy classes
will tackle this movie along with various texts and I’m kind of envious that it
came out so late in the game for me (I graduated 7 years ago). Definitely not a one-time watch, this one
requires at least 3 viewings to catch all the little nuances, actors, etc. It was fun to see Tom Hanks and Halle Berry
play so many different roles (six each) for one feature, but I’m absolutely
positive some info fell through my mind cracks.
I’m not sure I’ll buy this one, but I would most certainly watch it
again. These kinds of movies deserve all
the attention they can get so as to persuade Hollywood to keep projects like
this in the pipeline (let the Transformers bullshit go already, Jesus!) so do
movie-lovers everywhere a favor and check this one out. Maybe Kickstarter can back a project of a
similar nature. Or maybe we’ll have to
wait a few more lifetimes, who knows . . .
I’m going to bet on A
Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan, III. Yes, I will buy it without having seen it, as
I like to do from time to time. Despite
Charlie Sheen’s involvement, this one seems right up my alley in terms of pure
entertainment. Sheen’s presence is
counteracted by the great Bill Murray and the equally awesome Jason Schwartzman
and I’m severely looking forward to this next team-up of theirs. Judging from the trailer, there is a bit of
gonzo in this picture and it’s about time.
We need more gonzo movies, Hollywood, let’s step it up! I’m not even entirely sure what it’s about,
but I have a feeling that it will delight me.
I’ll be sure to update you next week.
And for all you horror fans out there, I’m sorry. Nothing of relevance is being released
today. You may feel the need to argue
being that Texas Chainsaw 3D is being
released, but it’s as ridiculous as the new Phoenix album (frankly I’m
surprised they aren’t on the soundtrack).
The only thing going for this movie is the hot lead actresses, but they
don’t show any nudity so that “going” is short-lived anyway. Backed by a silly story, and plumb dumb
ending, this one is nothing but a letdown.
Hell, even the Texas remake with Jessica Biel is infinitely better. I have a feeling this one will go down in the
annals of history as cheesy-B fun, along with every other Texas sequel. It’s hard to believe that no one can make
this series scary again.
Last on our list is the low-key, indie comedy, 3, 2, 1 . . . Frankie Go Boom. I’ve read some good things about this flick
and I am looking forward to checking it out (mainly because my girl-crush,
Lizzy Caplan, is in it). Chris O’Dowd,
who I’ve been man-crushing on ever since This
is 40, also stars as well as Pacific
Rim and Sons of Anarchy star,
Charlie Hunnam.
They play brothers with O’Dowd playing the obnoxious, older of the two
and Hunnam playing the younger, recovering drug addict . . . comedy ensues. Oh, and did I mention a cross-dressing Ron Pearlman? I may not have the highest of hopes for this
one (I’m counting on you, Swan), but I’m
sure it’s got a few good laughs in there.
That’s all for this week, guys and dolls. Sadly, there’s nothing doing for music this
week. In its absence may I suggest J.
Roddy Walston & the Business. Pat
mentioned them a few weeks back, check it out and check out the rest of their
stuff. It rocks. Bite back with some comments below, let me
know which season of Dexter is your fav.
Until next week . . .
Enjoyed the ranking of Dexter series. I haven't yet seen series 7 but my fave was season 2. All that stuff with Dokes in the cage was AMAZING! I still haven't forgiven Dexter for what happened to Dokes!
ReplyDelete@ Pete
ReplyDeleteSeason 2 is really good, the last episodes (with Dokes in the cage) are indeed very intense. Like I said in my post, I nearly tied Season 1 & 2, but had to give 1 the edge because of the Ice-Truck Killer. Thanks for the comment!